


Distance Lost

by deamon (whatthehalestilinski)



Category: The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb)
Genre: M/M, and lonely and gay, and pining, basically harry is just sad and angry and in pain, bear warning: there's a tiny bit of talk of self pleasure, but other than that it should be safe for work, enjoy, that's it that's what this is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-19
Updated: 2014-05-19
Packaged: 2018-01-25 17:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1656374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatthehalestilinski/pseuds/deamon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is sad and angry and in pain when he's sent off to boarding school miles away from everything he knows and loves in New York. He is the poster-child for rich parental neglect; but there is one constant in Harry's life.</p><p>Peter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Distance Lost

**Author's Note:**

> this was written because kaylee (@IanGallagher on twitter) prompted me via innocent tweet. this is the product.
> 
> this is my first time writing anything over 500 words that isn't sterek, so bear with me, okay? and enjoy.

When Harry first arrives at boarding school, he sees Peter everywhere. He hates his dad, hates everyone, hates New York, has a lot of anger in him for an eleven year-old, but there's Peter. He sees him in the streets, in skyscrapers that remind him of New York, which by proxy means _Peter_ instead of his dad. Harry thinks maybe this should worry him, but it doesn't, because it's Peter. If anything, thoughts of his best friend calms him, relaxes him, doesn't stifle his anger like authorities do, but instead massages it out of him like a stiff knot in the muscles in his back.

Within his first year at boarding school, Harry learns that thinking of Peter makes him forget his hatred and feelings of betrayal for his father. At first it felt like a good thing, but now he's just bitter. He decides to forget about New York completely, which is painful in the moment, but Harry knows it'll be better in the long run. He feels the anger wash over him in the next few months, lets it wrap him up and surround him. He finds himself hiding behind it, using it as a crutch.

It isn't enough, though, Harry finds. Less than a year after that, he starts thinking of Peter again. He really doesn't mean to, but he feels the boy worming his way back into his thoughts over and over again. It's just simple things, harmless. Like "Oh, Pete would love to tear that thing apart and try to put it back together again," or "I wonder what Pete's doing right now." Its mostly before bed, when Harry's lying on top of the expensive sheets in his private room, unable to sleep. He doesn't give what any of it might mean much thought in itself, mostly because Peter is hundreds of miles away and it'll only do bad things for Harry's mental state. But idle thoughts of Peter help him sleep, and that's that.

It turns into more when Harry's fourteen. He starts thinking of Peter new ways; thinking of his arms, under his shirt, below the waist. He misses Peter, misses him in ways he didn't know were possible. Misses him in his head, in his chest, in his gut. Harry starts thinking of Peter before bed again, but in those new and different ways. He thinks of him in the shower, in ways only he could know. Lets his hands drift below the covers, below his waistline, exploring. He hears what he thinks would be Peter's voice in his ears, Peter's hands on his stomach, his thighs, his chest, his hips. He thinks of Peter's face, thinks about how it would feel to kiss him. Thinks about the taste of Peter on his tongue, about what they could do if they were in the same place. Every orgasm he works out of himself is Peter, there with Harry in ways he could only wish were physical.

When Harry turns sixteen, his thoughts change again. He tries again at shutting Peter out completely, and this time, he succeeds. His brain morphs Peter into a villain, giving Harry a valid reason to banish him like he had his own father. This is the easiest. Harry is angry on the inside now, and it festers in him and boils in the pits of his stomach, but never rises to the surface. He doesn't act out, he doesn't fight, he keeps to himself and he gets good grades. He lets the anger and betrayal consume him instead of simply hiding behind it. He still gets off to thoughts of Peter, of wandering hands and bare chests and noticeable crotch bulges, but this time, he convinces himself it's not Peter he's thinking of. It works, too, after he's done and cleaned up. He looks in the mirror of his private bathroom and tells himself he'd pictured a faceless guy until the boy staring back at him through the glass is convinced. A boy with no face, and a voice that definitely wasn't anywhere near what Harry thought Peter's voice might be like now.

He keeps Peter "out of his mind" in every way he can mentally handle for the next couple years, until he graduates boarding school and his dad falls ill and calls him back to New York for his inheritance.

When Harry goes to greet the guest at the door, his default mood is irritated at having been interrupted -- never mind that he's been told it's "Peter Parker at the door to see you, Mr. Osborn." When he arrives at the threshold, though, it's different. He sees Peter, the same, awkward Peter, and his heart stops. Everything stops. Something changes in Harry, fast enough that he's different before Peter even recognizes that he's entered the room. Peter is the same, but different in so many ways.

"I heard about your dad," Peter says, looking up at him. His voice is almost exactly what Harry thought it would be, maybe a little deeper, warmer. "I'm sorry."

"Yes. Very tragic. But I'm -- I'm kind of busy. I'm doing a Thing."

Peter readjusts his backpack, looking down and away from Harry for a moment. "Oh, um. Yeah, of course. I'm sorry to intrude I just," Peter starts walking toward the stairs Harry's at the top of, walking toward _him_ , slowly. It's as if Peter is staring into him and trying to find something. His old best friend, maybe. "I wanted to see if --to make sure you were -- I just wanted you to know that I'm here. You were there for me when my parents... I wanna be here for you." The look in Peter's eyes is sincere. Harry wants to hate it and him.

He takes in a deep breath. _Peter Parker means nothing to him_. "Yes, thank you. Listen, I'm kind of -- I'm in a meeting."

Peter pauses for a moment, before nodding solemnly and mumbling 'goodbye's and 'sorry's as he backs down the stairs and goes to see himself out.

Harry finds he can't stand to watch him go, though.

"I see you've gotten your braces off; now there's nothing to distract from your monobrow," Harry hears himself say, a hint of laughter in his voice.

The look Peter gives him when he whips around is one Harry had forgotten, and yet missed so much without even knowing it. It cracks every last bit of resentment he had for New York. The laughter in Pete's voice is everything good in Harry's life. Its all he's waited for, worked for. It sounds like the final prize, and he wants to keep it playing over and over.

"Do you still blow dry your hair?" Harry finds himself laughing outright at that one.

*

The whole day, while he and Peter hang out by the water, all Harry can think about is how much he _wants._ He feels his eyes linger on exposed skin when Peter yawns and his shirt rides up; he feels his chest warm when he stares at Peter's back as he leads the way down the pier; he laughs fondly when Peter does typical Dumb Peter Shit, like walk on dangerous ledges and run his hands through his ridiculous hair like he's worried about going bald. Harry is overcome by how much he wants to take this absolute nerd in front of him anywhere, anywhere at all, and just kiss him until his lips are swollen and bruised.

There are a couple times, though, where Harry is struck by a sense of fear. Fear that maybe this all isn't real, fear that maybe Peter knows how he feels, fear that maybe thinking of him is wrong and he should go back to pushing him out of his mind. It never lasts long, but it's enough to shake him just a little. It always comes during times when he can't see Peter. When he's around the corner or in the washroom or something like that. The feeling always dissolves when Peter comes back into view.

Other times, Harry thinks maybe Peter knows and feels the same. It's been a long time, but he thinks there might be something there. And that's what scares him the most.

Finally, they're walking toward some dark tunnel, and Harry realizes it's not fear he's feeling toward Peter and his feelings. It's... he feels excited. There's a racing in his heart that isn't connected at all to fear; it's a dizzying ache in his stomach that pulls toward Peter. It's intoxicating, and all he wants as their day goes on is Peter himself. He debates the pros and cons of just throwing himself at him in the tunnel, then decides on something else for now.

"So, Pete, have you got a lucky lady? Or a guy, or something else. I don't judge." Harry kills himself ten times over making that sound casual, and praying Peter says no.

"No, I mean. Well, yes? No, no I don't." Peter looks almost pained by the question. An answer that isn't definite in either direction makes Harry squirm, makes his stomach drop at the same time that it gives him hope. He could stand being a breakup rebound, if that's what Peter needed. Of course, he's ambitious and greedy like his father, meaning he wants Peter all to himself, all the time, but Harry thinks maybe this could be the one thing he could settle on.

"Sounds complicated," is all Harry can come up with in response.

"It is." When Peter's talking about emotions he doesn't wanna deal with, he often fidgets. Right now, he's leaning against the cement walls of the tunnels, trying to get his feet up on a bike rack. He looks like he's trying to sit on air. It's stupid, he's restless, but Harry still finds it endearing. "She's -- well, it's. Yeah, it's complicated." That's when Harry's stomach drops again, because the way Peter looks when he talks about it doesn't exactly encourage hope.

"Complicated doesn't sound like you, Parker."

Peter sighs and looks up to the sky. "Yeah, well, in this situation, there isn't much choice."

"I don't think I could do complicated. I don't know how you manage."

"Oh, you know," Peter says, scratching the back of his head. "It's not like I got into it wanting complicated, Harry. I want something simple as much as anyone else, but, I mean, that's just not how things worked out. This strange thing called 'life' and their sadistic gods got in the way."

Harry contemplates that for a moment. There are a multitude of things he could say; suggestive things, mostly. He decides on something that could be suggestive if Peter assumed it was. "Simple is good. It doesn't always have to be so complicated, you know."

Peter, now sitting perfectly between the cement wall and the bike rack, looks up from where he's been looking down at his lap, twiddling his thumbs. "What do you mean?" He starts getting down from his invisible throne.

Harry scratches the side of his neck. "Well, there are simpler things. Friends With Benefits and things like that."

"Friends With Benefits somehow seems more complicated." They start walking into the tunnel, which, once they enter, actually ends up being pretty long. Peter walks close to him, which makes him nervous and almost hyper at the same time.

"I don't know, have you ever tried it?" It's kind of a risky thing for him to say, but he doesn't care. He's feeling high; he can do anything, and right now, risks entice him.

"Well, no. Got close, once, but chickened out because I thought Aunt May wouldn't approve. I don't think I've seen that guy since ninth grade." Adrenaline rushes through Harry's body. He realizes that up until this point, he had assumed that Peter was straight -- which actually doesn't really make sense, since as kids they had talked about guys enough for neither for them to be completely straight. But the quickening of Harry's heartbeat is a telltale sign. This means Peter's okay with being with a guy, even into it. "Have you?"

"Don't really have many friends," Harry replies, shrugging even though Peter can't really see him in the darkness of the tunnel. "There was a guy at one point, but I wasn't interested."

"Harry, don't think I've forgotten who we were as kids. You can't pretend to not be into dudes and assume I'd believe you."

"Never said I didn't like guys, Parker. This one was just plain boring."

Peter laughs at that one, stops walking, and then says the last thing Harry would ever expect him to. "Am I boring, Mr. Osborn?"

Harry kind of stumbles a little, both figuratively and physically, over that. It's so goddamn suggestive, there's so much behind those words. Harry can't tell for sure if Peter is flirting with him, but it definitely sounds that way. There's a couple moments for Harry to make a decision.

Harry grabs Peter by the shoulders, pushing him back against the curved wall of the tunnel. He lets his hands drop pretty quickly, so it's not lingering too long, but he's still in Peter's space, and they're practically breathing the same air. Peter's breathing just as heavily as Harry is, and that's when Harry notices that they're basically the same height. He always saw Peter as taller than him, but Harry's grown a lot, too.

He starts leaning back, resigned to the fact that it's probably gonna be weird now, but instead Peter pulls him back in by his jaw and kisses him.

The taste of Peter sends back rushing memories of countless orgasms worked through a million miles away from here. The act of kissing Peter in itself is enough to bring Harry to attention, but he tries to keep that hidden for now.

When Peter pulls back, finally, panting, he seems confused. Maybe he's just as surprised about kissing Harry as Harry is. He tilts his head a little, like examining Harry's jawline will make it clearer to him why he did it. Maybe it will.

Peter kissing him had made Harry feel wanted, a feeling he had forgotten nearly the moment he left New York -- no, the moment he left Peter. He never wants to forget again.

"I don't know how long I've thought about doing that," Peter says, slurred and soft and eyes never leaving Harry's mouth, as if he doesn't even realize he's saying anything out loud.

Harry, meanwhile, is trying to prevent himself from going into cardiac arrest on the spot. "I've thought about a lot more than that," he finally manages to say, dark and almost mischievous, challenging.

Peter flips them around and kisses Harry hard into the wall behind him. "Maybe you should show me sometime."

 **  
**Harry feels one side of his mouth tug upwards in a lopsided smirk. "My pleasure."

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!!!!!! wowieee youre so lovely thank you goodness me  
> as always, comments and criticism are always welcome.
> 
> twitter: @spiderpooi (the last i is capital so it looks like an L)  
> tumblr: twcno.tumblr.com


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